The Inevitability of Gradualness
by Rambling Scribe
Summary: An alternative ending to 5.4.  Spoilers up to this ep.  Ruth and Harry try to find their way to each other... Please note the rating and please review.


**Disclaimer: Spooks characters belong to Kudos and the BBC.**

**The title of this fic is a quote from Sidney Webb.**

**This is an alternative ending to 5.4.**

** Thanks Em and Hel :)  
**

* * *

**The Inevitability of Gradualness**

"What right do you have to make judgements on my personal life? Your own isn't exactly a shining example is it? The fact that your own existence is a walking disaster zone does not give you the right to make judgements on other peoples!"

Ruth stood stock still as Ros spat vitriol at Harry. When her mobile rang, she snatched it off the desk and moved towards the meeting room before she was seen.

"Hello?" She kept her voice low.

"Ruth? Can you hear me? It's Jo."

"Yes I can, Jo. Is everything alright?"

"Please tell me you're on your way to the pub; I could do with a hand here."

"Well, I'm still on the Grid." The hiss of the pods announced the departure of one of the participants in the heated exchange she had overheard. She hoped it was Ros.

Raucous laughter drowned out Jo's response.

"I didn't catch that." Ruth edged back towards the main office. The light was still on in Harry's office and he was sitting on the edge of his desk, rubbing his hand over his face.

"Adam's already had quite a lot to drink and he and Zaf are either going to end up fighting each other or someone else. Please, Ruth. You can talk some sense into them."

"I think you might be overestimating my abilities where those two are concerned," she paused and looked across the Grid, "maybe Harry could…"

"No! That'll make things ten times worse." Jo sounded mildly hysterical.

"OK, I'm on my way."

With a final glance at Harry, Ruth grabbed her coat and bag and walked briskly to the pods.

-----

Jo was trying to flag down a cab whilst Ruth rummaged in her handbag.

"Lost something, Ruth?" Zaf was trying to prop Adam up against the wall of The George.

"I don't know what I've done with my keys. Shit; I must have left them in the office."

"Do you want us to wait?" Jo had finally persuaded a taxi driver that he could take the four of them _and_ do three stops.

"No, it's fine. I'll find another cab."

"Sure?"

"Yes, I'll be OK. You go on. See you tomorrow." Ruth watched them drive away and wished again that she hadn't drunk quite so much wine. She could feel a headache starting to form behind her eyes; at least the dizziness had passed now she was outside in the fresh air. She turned and headed back to the Grid.

Ruth was aware of the curious gaze of the security guard following her as she crossed the foyer and walked towards the lifts. She hoped she hadn't sounded too drunk as she'd explained her reappearance at Thames House.

The Grid was almost in darkness, the only light came from Harry's office. He was sitting at his desk nursing a glass of whisky, seemingly oblivious to her presence. She switched on her desklamp and the sudden brightness made her blink rapidly. Her house keys were lying on her desk where she'd left them and she dropped them into her bag. When she looked up, Harry was watching her. Her legs moved her, almost involuntarily, into his office.

"Hi."

"Hi. I thought you'd gone."

"I-I forgot my keys." She gave a nervous laugh. "Good job I realised before I got home."

"Yes."

His eyes searched her face, looking for something. The same thing he'd been looking for a few nights ago.

"I just wanted to say, about Ros, you were right. It isn't your fault, Harry."

"Thank you." He took a sip of his drink. "Did you hear everything she said?"

"More or less."

"Quite possibly she has a point." He looked utterly broken and Ruth felt a sudden shaft of anger in her soul.

"No she doesn't!" The forceful tone of her voice surprised them both. "She doesn't, Harry."

He gave her a half-smile and her response was to reach a hand out to his face. Her fingers traced his jaw before moving down to his neck, her thumb brushing lightly over his Adam's apple. She bent down and pressed her mouth to his. The warm, sweet taste of him brought back memories of the chaste kiss they had shared after their dinner date. An unexpected rush of longing engulfed her and she willingly parted her lips for him, teasing his tongue with her own. His response was unhesitating and he stood up, pulling her closer, as he began to kiss his way down her neck.

His hands on her hips were warm and strong and she longed to feel them on her naked skin. He clearly had the same need as he backed her up against the wall and she felt his fingers slipping under her top. She gasped as his lips found hers again and his tongue delved into her mouth, the rhythm he created a rehearsal for what he would do to another part of her body.

One of his hands had moved to her thigh and he hitched up the material of her skirt as she fumbled with his tie. She moaned softly in his ear when his thumb brushed over delicate lace. His response was to move his body so that she could feel his increasing arousal pressing into her hip.

"I want to be inside you." His words were accompanied by the lightest of strokes against her hot wet flesh. She pushed herself into his touch, fuelling his lust, and abandoned her attempts to unbutton his shirt.

He lifted her up and pinned her firmly to the wall. "Do you know what I'm going to do to you?" The hardness of his erection, now pressing against her groin, made his intentions very clear.

Ruth's legs had automatically gone round his waist and her fingers were digging into his shoulders but she didn't know if she was fighting to get closer to him or get away from him.

"Harry."

The tip of his tongue left a moist trail on her skin as he moved slowly towards her cleavage. It was an achingly erotic sensation and fed the dangerous cocktail of red wine and yearning already clouding her judgement.

"I'm going to undress you." The buttons of her blouse were soon undone and his hands worked their way behind her back, releasing the clasp of her bra. "I'm going to taste you." His mouth locked over her right breast and she almost passed out as he sucked on the rigid nipple.

"Harry." Her sense of propriety was duelling with the wanton urges flooding her body.

"Then," his fingers returned to her knickers, sliding under the damp material and dipping inside her, making her writhe. "Then, I'm going to-"

"Stop! I can't do this." She struggled against him, trying to free herself from his grasp.

"Ruth?" The sudden change in her response made him falter and his hand stilled. "I thought you wanted…"

"No, I don't, I- I mean…please, I can't…_we_ can't do this."

He eased her legs from around his waist and set her down on the floor. She remained against the wall as he wordlessly backed away from her.

The suffocating silence made her want to scream. She took several deep breaths before hesitantly moving towards him. "We've both been drinking and it's not the right time or place." Her hands were shaking as she straightened her clothes. "Harry?"

"So, rejection again? I seem to keep misreading you, Ruth." He sounded upset rather than angry, and she hated herself for leading him on and then pushing him away.

"I'm not rejecting you, Harry. I'm not saying 'never', just 'not yet'." She was standing in front of him and took his face in her hands as she kissed him, pulling away as his tongue brushed over her lips.

"Please Harry." Her voice was a rasping whisper as her desire threatened to overwhelm her again.

He sighed heavily and rested his head against her shoulder. "I need you, Ruth. I need you so much."

"I know. But not here, not like this."

His hands had moved back to her hips but this time his touch was lighter, his embrace gentler. She slipped her arms round his shoulders and she could feel beads of perspiration on his neck as her fingers tenderly traced over the sensitive skin.

"I'm sorry," he murmured against her.

"It's alright." She felt his breath catch as she continued to soothe him and she realised he was crying.

"Don't, Harry. Please." Her heart ached and she fought back her own tears as she held him.

Eventually, his breathing slowed and he pulled away from her. "I'm so sorry…"

"It's alright; really, it is." She rested her hands on his chest and smiled up at him. "I just need…some time. To think things through. You understand, don't you?"

He nodded slowly at her. "Yes, I understand."

"I will find my way to you but you have to let me do it at my own pace. Please?"

"Of course. I'll be here, Ruth. I promise you, I'll always be here."

* * *

**Please review, thank you.**


End file.
